Symptoms of Codependency

Darlene Lancer
The word codependency has existed for almost four decades. Although it originally placed on spouses of alcoholics, first called co-alcoholics, research revealed that you will of codependents were much more prevalent inside the general population than was imagined. In reality, they found that should you be raised inside a dysfunctional family or had an ill parent, the chances are you're codependent. Don't feel sick if that includes you. Most families in the united states are dysfunctional, in order that covers almost everybody, you enter the majority! Additionally they found out that codependent symptoms got worse if untreated, but the great news was them to be reversible.

Darlene Lancer
Here's a list of symptoms. You needn't have all of which to become qualified as codependent.

* Low self-esteem

Not feeling that you're good enough or comparing you to ultimately others is really a symbol of low self-esteem. The tricky aspect of self-esteem is always that many people think highly of themselves, but it's merely a camouflage for really feeling unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. A few of the stuff that go with low self-esteem are guilt feelings and perfectionism. If things are all perfect, you don't feel unhealthy about yourself.

* People pleasing

It's fine to need to please someone you care about, but codependents usually don't think there is a choice. Saying "No" causes them anxiety. Some codependents have a problem saying "No" to anyone. Each goes from their way and sacrifice their unique needs to accommodate other folks.

* Poor Boundaries

Boundaries are form of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what's yours and another woman's, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but additionally on your feelings, thoughts and needs. That's especially where codependents end up in trouble. They've got blurry or weak boundaries between themselves and others. They feel in charge of other's feelings and problems or blame their particular on another individual.

Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They are closed off and withdrawn, making it challenging for others to get all-around them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and rigid ones.

* Reactivity

A result of poor boundaries is you answer everyone's feelings and thoughts. If someone says something disagree with, you either accept it or become defensive. You absorb their words, due to there being no boundary. Which has a boundary, you'd understand it was just their opinion instead of a reflection of you instead of sense danger by disagreements.

* Caretaking

Another effect of poor boundaries is actually another person has a problem, you want to help them to the reality that you provide up yourself. It's natural to feel empathy and sympathy for an individual, but codependents start putting other folks in front of themselves. The truth is, they should help and might feel rejected if another individual doesn't want help. Moreover, they keep attempting to help and fasten your lover, even when see your face clearly isn't taking their advice.

* Control

Control helps codependents feel secure. People need control button over events in their life. You do not need to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, however for codependents, control limits their capability to look at risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they've got an addiction that either enables them to loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, in order that they don't feel uncontrollable.

Codependents also have to control those near to them, simply because they need others some thing in the certain way to feel okay. In reality, people pleasing and caretaking enable you to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and show you exactly what you need or shouldn't do. It is a violation of someone else's boundary.

* Dysfunctional communication

Codependents find it difficult in terms of communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs. Naturally, should you not know what you think, feel or need, this becomes a problem. Sometimes, you know, however you won't realize your truth. You're afraid to be truthful, because you shouldn't upset another individual. Rather than saying, "I can't stand that," you may pretend it is okay or tell someone what to do. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing whenever you attempt to manipulate your partner away from fear.

* Obsessions

Codependents often spend time considering others or relationships. That is brought on by their dependency and anxieties and fears. Glowing become obsessed when they think they've made or may make a "mistake."

Sometimes you are able to lapse into fantasy about how exactly you'd like circumstances to be or someone complain about you like so that you can steer clear of the pain in the present. There are numerous ways to remain in denial, discussed below, however it keeps you against living your daily life.

* Dependency

Codependents need other individuals to like these to feel okay about themselves and they are scared of sexual rejection or abandoned - even when they're able to function on their own. Others need to often be in a relationship, given that they feel depressed or lonely if they're independently for days on end. This trait makes it a hardship on these to end a partnership, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They finish up feeling trapped.

* Denial

Among the problems people face in enabling help for codependency is that they're in denial about it, and thus they do not face their problem. Usually they believe the catch is another person or even the situation. They either keep complaining or attempting to fix your partner, or move from one relationship or job to a different and never own up the truth that they have a problem.

Codependents also deny their feelings and requirements. Often times, they don't know what they're feeling and therefore are instead centered on what other people are feeling. Well the same for their needs. They focus on other people's needs rather than their own. They may be in denial of the need for space and autonomy. Although some people might codependents seem needy, others behave like they're self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They don't connect and also have trouble receiving. They may be in denial of the vulnerability and need for love and intimacy.

* Difficulty with intimacy

From this I'm not really referring to sex, although erectile dysfunction is usually a reflection of an intimacy problem. I'm referring to being open and close with someone within an intimate relationship. Due to shame and weak boundaries, you might fear that you will be judged, rejected, or left. Conversely, you could fear smothered in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You may deny your need for closeness and believe that your companion wants too much of your time and energy; your partner complains that you're unavailable, but she or he is denying his / her requirement of separateness.

* Painful emotions

Codependency creates stress and contributes to painful emotions. Shame and occasional self-esteem create anxiety and fear about:

Being judged

Denial or abandoned

Making mistakes

As a failure

Staying close and feeling trapped

Being alone

The other symptoms cause feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. In the event the feelings are so much, you are able to feel numb.

Help is for recovery modify. The initial step is getting guidance and support. These symptoms are deeply ingrained habits and hard to recognize and change by yourself. Inside a Twelve Step program, such as Codependents Anonymous or seek counseling. Focus on becoming more assertive and building your self-esteem.